Thursday, November 5, 2015

The Plan: Ours vs. God's

[We] had planned the perfect life, but God had interrupted our plans with with what seemed like a much worse plan of His own.  Have you ever felt that way?  If God had just listened to you, things would have been okay.  But now you're held captive by situations you never wanted to be in and can't seem to get out of by yourself.

If you've ever felt that way, you're not alone.

... that day in the waiting room, I began to see that God was using our hospital captivity to teach me about His character and to draw me closer to Him.  When I was alone pouting about how my plans hadn't worked out, God was able to break through my stubbornness and reveal another plan for me, a better plan - one that would draw me closer in my relationship with Him.

Myth: The plan I have for my life is much better than the place where God has me right now.

Truth: Where God has me right now is the best place for me.

Laura Story, When God Doesn't Fix It

This is a huge, important, hard truth, one that I still have to peek at through the spaces between my fingers, like you do when you're watching a scary movie.  My grieving heart still can't stare this truth boldly in the face, even three and half years after Evie's diagnosis.  It's important, so important, and I know it's there.  It just hurts.

It's hard to say, "This place, the one where two precious children of mine have died, is the  best place for me to be.  Yep.  Sounds good."  

See, that's hard.  And while I know it must be true, because God uses things like this to mold us into a more Christlike image, and because His character can't allow Him to do anything that is not good, it still hurts.

I don't know about you, but I feel like lately I've been observing how God often takes the thing we planned on most in this world to bring about that hard character molding.  For me, who always dreamed of a house full of my own children to care for and love on, He chose to take two (and please no more!).  And, let's be real, I will never again have a carefree pregnancy, should the Lord allow me to get pregnant again.  And, another reality, I have no assurance that we will ever be able to bring another baby home.  I sure as the stars hope so, but I truly don't know.  And all of these unknowns are forcing me to exercise faith and focus on the present and truths that keep me grounded.  I suppose I wouldn't have had to practice those in the same way had the Lord not taken Evie and Charlie.

Anyway, I hope this truth is one you can keep near and reference whenever you need it most, even if you can only peer at it for a moment, one eye at a time.

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord.  Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.  Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you.  And you will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.  I will be found by you, declares the Lord.  
Jeremiah 29:11-13

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