Sunday, October 4, 2015

31 Days of Grief: Day 4

I stayed home from church today.  Josh was on call and our church is too far outside of his 45 minute travel window and honestly, I just wasn't ready to go to church without him yet.  The weather was terrible.  And a lot has happened in the two weeks since Charlie passed away and I just felt like I needed to not stretch it today.  I think it was the right choice.

I was able to tackle some of the last boxes that have been hanging around.  The box that held my pantry and baking items.  The box that had lots of my books and decorations for my room.  And the giant box of kids toys that we haven't unpacked until now and I was wondering if maybe I should just throw it away if we've gotten along this fine without it.  But I'm glad I didn't because a lot of our favorite bedtime books were in there.  We've been surviving on the same five since we've moved in so I'm glad to have those favorites on the shelf again.

We cleaned and organized the playroom and put fresh vacuum lines on the carpet.  Micah and I played a great round of Hi-Ho Cherry-O (I won, by the way, and then we had to have a talk about what it means to be a good sport).  I made dinner.  Before he went to bed Micah and I perused pinterest for playroom decor ideas and boy bedroom ideas.  It was so fun to see his interior decorating preferences.  Not surprisingly they involved lots of primary colors, superhero-themed pictures, and anything that incorporated lego display shelves.  I love that kid.

Now I'm sitting here writing about my day with 30 Rock playing in the background because sometimes Liz Lemon does wonders for the soul.  

Today felt pretty ordinary.  I was thankful for the chance to set up house a little more and make this place a little more like home.  It's been really rainy lately but I've been thankful for its drizzly monotony - it feels peaceful and calming to me.  I need that.

Today was full of ordinary things.  It felt good to do those things.  And I will continue to do those ordinary day to day things until I start to feel a little less robotic and a little more present in them.  I know one day things will feel different.  It just takes time.

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