Wednesday, May 14, 2014

3 Kids, 3 Different Places

Sunday was Mother's Day.  I'm sure I don't stand alone when I say it's a bittersweet holiday.  There are elements that I celebrate wholeheartedly - being a mama to a wonderful boy, two lovely women I have the privilege of calling mom, carrying and sustaining life.  But even still, there are aspects that bring tears to my eyes - a grandmother I never got to know, a daughter whose handprints will never decorate a gluey Mother's Day card, pain in my heart for all the hurting mamas I am blessed to know.  It's a special day and at the same time, a sobering day.

This Mother's Day I was thinking very much about my three kids and how loving them means three very different things.


Loving Micah means being there for him and caring for his day-to-day needs.  It means giving out a bazillion high fives to reinforce good behavior, praying desperately for direction and wisdom in how to mold him into a Christ-centered little boy.  It means four thousand kisses per cheek, per day.  Playing superheroes, bonding time outside on the swing, being the all-time designated pitcher for the all-time cutest hitter.  Bedtime stories and snuggles.  Our relationship is very tangible and I love it.

Loving Evie is very different.  Loving her is replaying memories over and over in hopes that none will fade.  It means speaking her name and talking about her with ease and ensuring others are comfortable doing the same.  Loving her means praising the Father for His eternal plan.  It means being a spokesperson and advocate for babies like her and mamas like me.  Our relationship feels much bigger than just the two of us, and I love it.

Loving Jocelyn (Joci) is different still.  Loving her means taking care of myself.  It means listening to my body when it cries for rest, water, or double death by chocolate ice cream fruit.  It means swallowing those miserable vitamins because I know it's good for us.  It means preparing our home and family for her arrival.  Loving her means loving someone I don't even know yet, but am certain she'll be my favorite third child ever.  Our relationship is very hopeful, and I love it.

Loving my kids in their very different places makes me think of all the sweet mamas out there who also have babies in different places.  Maybe they are in your arms, maybe in your hearts.  Maybe they are no more than a dream but you pray for them even now and look forward to the day you will hold them close.  These little souls have been entrusted to us ... we are their mothers.  And so, I want to wish all the special mommies out there, no matter where your babies are, a very Happy bleated Mother's Day.




8 comments:

  1. <3 Love the way you love your little ones. You are a fantastic Mom. xoxo

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    1. Thank you Lauren. Eli's pretty lucky to have you too <3

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  2. You are such an amazing Mama to all of your babies in all of the different ways that you love them individually. I loved this post.

    The night before Mother's Day it completely hit me that this was my first Mother's Day with 8 less little lives in the world than there were last May{my IVF was in June and I miscarried the twins the beginning of July} and it brought an overwhelming grief that I wasn't prepared for. I suppose it just caught me off guard that I am a mama to more than just one little girl like last year. I'm thankful for them, but sometimes there are moments that it hits me how much I love and miss them still.

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    1. Looking forward to the Mother's Day celebration we will all have in Heaven!

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  3. This is beautiful, Sarah. I have such a hard time figuring out Mother's Day. I have friends who can't conceive and friends who have lost children, and it feels tough celebrating without acknowledging their pain.

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    1. It does get tricky, doesn't it? But I know your friends appreciate that you acknowledge them even still <3

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  4. This is so beautiful and perfectly written... truly shows the range of emotions of many mothers

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