2013 felt very much defined by my loss. And I think it was a healthy part of grieving to define it by such. I needed to say, my name is Sarah and this is what happened to me. I was the girl who lost a baby. And I needed to be that.
This year feels different. It is very true that losing Evie will always be an incredibly defining time in my life, but I don't want it to define my whole life. I want to do what Paul says,
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Of course, I will never forget what happened in November of 2012. It is impossible. In November 2012 I met my sweet daughter, a sweet life, a part of my own heart, an eternal soul that now exists in Heaven, and I will see her again one day. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her or how life would be so wonderfully different if she were here. For this mother's heart, there is no forgetting. And, on another level, I think the Lord had me walk this road so that I could always and forever reach the hearts of hurting mamas everywhere. And I still feel very privileged and more than ok to do that. The part of this verse I feel connected to is the pressing on part - taking what the Lord has done in my life and moving forward, changes in tow.
Truthfully, life after losing Evie isn't as simple as it was before. I still have moments. I still struggle through so many things. It's easier to hide the moments and struggles, and the good days far outnumber the hard days, but there is no denying that I am different inside. But I feel the Lord gently nudging me to press on. Press on for the benefit of all three of my children, my husband, and and lives I am meant to touch. I walked through fire and parts of me are still raw and tender from the burns. But the view ahead looks promising. I am pressing on.
I love this, so well said! What a great verse. And I'm liking the new style of the blog too :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Megan. I know you are familiar with these feelings too <3
DeleteAbsolutely gorgeous, Sarah. I'm tearing up reading this because I can understand exactly what you are saying. 2013 was a year of pain and loss for me as well. But, 2014 seems to be filled with hope. Which is equal parts hard(dealing with guilt for moving on) and uplifting(because- anything is possible!).
ReplyDeleteAmen. Looking forward to seeing what the Lord has in store in 2014 for both of us <3
Delete<3
ReplyDeleteThanks for the love, Darla.
DeleteLove the new look!!! And love your testimony of God's grace.
ReplyDeleteThank you Fawne. And I love yours too ...
DeleteI like the new look! And am looking forward to reading more of how you press on :)
ReplyDeleteThank you Larissa. <3
Deleteyour line about "losing Evie will always be an incredibly defining time in my life, but I don't want it to define my whole life." struck home. Thank you so much for being open and clear. You inspire me to press on through my defining experience....
ReplyDeleteI think you are doing beautifully, Whitney <3
DeleteI like the new tag line a lot. It's a great summary of Christian living.
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