2013 felt very much defined by my loss. And I think it was a healthy part of grieving to define it by such. I needed to say, my name is Sarah and this is what happened to me. I was the girl who lost a baby. And I needed to be that.
This year feels different. It is very true that losing Evie will always be an incredibly defining time in my life, but I don't want it to define my whole life. I want to do what Paul says,
Of course, I will never forget what happened in November of 2012. It is impossible. In November 2012 I met my sweet daughter, a sweet life, a part of my own heart, an eternal soul that now exists in Heaven, and I will see her again one day. Not a day goes by that I don't think of her or how life would be so wonderfully different if she were here. For this mother's heart, there is no forgetting. And, on another level, I think the Lord had me walk this road so that I could always and forever reach the hearts of hurting mamas everywhere. And I still feel very privileged and more than ok to do that. The part of this verse I feel connected to is the pressing on part - taking what the Lord has done in my life and moving forward, changes in tow.
Truthfully, life after losing Evie isn't as simple as it was before. I still have moments. I still struggle through so many things. It's easier to hide the moments and struggles, and the good days far outnumber the hard days, but there is no denying that I am different inside. But I feel the Lord gently nudging me to press on. Press on for the benefit of all three of my children, my husband, and and lives I am meant to touch. I walked through fire and parts of me are still raw and tender from the burns. But the view ahead looks promising. I am pressing on.