Monday, May 6, 2013

Set My Face like a Flint

For the Lord God will help me; therefore I will not be disgraced; therefore I have set my face like a flint, and I know I will not be ashamed.  Isaiah 50:7

This verse was the focal point of my devotional one day last week.  It seemed like a really strange verse to me.  Set my face like a flint ... ?

But as I read the devotional thought again and pondered how this verse could be applied in my own life, some new thoughts came to me.  Thoughts that had been floating around unpurposed in my gray matter finally came together.

Since learning of Evie's diagnosis back in July I have felt a strong sense of obligation (in a positive way) to be a spokesperson for the Lord and the great things He can do despite torturous circumstances.  And now, being a part of the babyloss community, I feel another strong sense of obligation (again, positive) to share my Evie story with the world and hopefully remove some of the stigma and silence and general unawareness surrounding pregnancy and infant loss.

So, those two things considered, I have purposed in my heart to not hide Evie from anyone, even perfect strangers.  When asked how many children I have, I will tell them one here and one in Heaven.  When I am asked if I plan on having any more children I will say, I actually just had a baby, but she died.  When people ask if we hope to have a girl next time I will say, we already had one, but she left us for Heaven.  

And I fully expect to receive odd glances, awkward conversation pauses, truckloads of backpedaling, blank stares, I'm sorry's, and quiet oh's.  Maybe even the occasional verbal attack, who knows?  But, as the verse says, I will set my face like a flint - I will hold my ground because I know I will not be disgraced.  Emotional discomfort may reign for a time, but I hope the stand I take for my Savior, my baby, and hurting moms everywhere will triumph.  And I will not be ashamed.  

Baby steps though.  I have only summoned the courage to speak of Evie's death to a stranger one time since she died, and that was because I was in a safe environment.  But I could barely get the words out before the knot formed in my throat and the tears stung my eyes.  My goal is not to break down in front of strangers, so it may take some time.  But I don't want to hide my story; the Lord gave me this story and I will ultimately not be disgraced for sharing it.  

Please know I don't expect the same from all babyloss moms.  I completely understand how uncomfortable it is to be so vulnerable to another person; I may not even be able to do it every time.  But, if you ever decide to share (and you can email me details if you'd like), know that there is someone else out there doing the same. 

Set your face like a flint, do not be shaken.  You will not be disgraced, you will not be ashamed.  The Lord is on your side. 

And the Lord, He is the One who goes before you.  He will be with you, He will not leave you or forsake you; do not fear or be dismayed.  Deuteronomy 31:8



8 comments:

  1. What a nice post, Sarah. It is wonderful to read this prophetic passage and then to remember how Christ set his face like flint to go to Jerusalem. To be crucified. He yielded to the Spirit by doing so and was not ashamed since he accomplished the God ordained work on Calvary.
    You too yeild when you obey the Spirit's nudge and calling. I will pray for you as you set your face, open your mouth, honor your daughter and your family in obedience.
    Go under the Ability.

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  2. I love that verse, but you really put a great perspective on it. I'm sure you're doing a wonderful job, especially in the tough moments.

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    1. Eesh, I sure try ... and certainly not by my power.

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  3. Great post. Love your blog, new reader! :)

    craftadoption.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much and welcome! Praying for you and the sweet little girl soon to join your family <3

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  4. Yes yes yes!!!! I have felt the same twin responsibilities. I know God can give us courage...praying He does! Thank you so much for sharing this with me, Sarah. <3

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