I visited Evie's grave for the first time this past weekend. Saturday marked her four months in Heaven. I was pretty unsure what my emotional reaction would be - numbness? sadness? peace? To be perfectly honest, it was a little bit of everything.
My initial reaction was overwhelming sobs. It seemed what made me most sad was the freshness of it all; Evie's grave has been dug so recently that the grass around it has not yet had a chance to grow.
And it sort of made me think that's how my heart is. The dirt and dust around my heart are still settling, so to speak. But I imagine slowly over the months and years the dust will give way to little sprouts of green - of new life and new hope. Until then, I wait and embrace the healing that grieving brings.
I love you forever, sweet Evie-girl <3