Wednesday, March 13, 2013

VISITING EVIE

I visited Evie's grave for the first time this past weekend.  Saturday marked her four months in Heaven.  I was pretty unsure what my emotional reaction would be - numbness? sadness? peace?  To be perfectly honest, it was a little bit of everything.  


My initial reaction was overwhelming sobs.  It seemed what made me most sad was the freshness of it all; Evie's grave has been dug so recently that the grass around it has not yet had a chance to grow.  

And it sort of made me think that's how my heart is.  The dirt and dust around my heart are still settling, so to speak.  But I imagine slowly over the months and years the dust will give way to little sprouts of green - of new life and new hope.  Until then, I wait and embrace the healing that grieving brings.

I love you forever, sweet Evie-girl <3

20 comments:

  1. Visiting is so hard, especially in the beginning. I remember feeling raw when I saw Caleb's grave and all the dirt. Where was the grass?!?!? No one told me how long it would take for the grass to grow. It all feels so fresh when you see the dirt. Praying for you, what beautiful flowers you left.

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    1. Thank you RyAnne. I am so sorry for your loss too. Losing a baby is not easy, not at all <3

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  2. Praying for you Sarah. I still haven't gone to Ezra's grave site. I have been thinking about his life in heaven so much, I am afraid of the site being a very hurtful reminder of the earthly sorrow of everything. It's hard not to have the visual of heaven, and just a visual of the grave. I think we will go sometime soon though. At times, I have felt weird about having not gone yet, so it helps me to hear it took you a while too. sending love!

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    1. I felt bad too, but a friend said whenever you feel ready is the best time. And it helps me to remember that Evie doesn't care one bit if I visit or not. Sending love right back <3

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  3. Very hard and emotional firsts:-( I am so sorry. Praying for your healing heart.

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    1. Thank you Darla. It was hard but good, as so much of this journey has been.

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  4. praying for you every day, dear friend. sending lots of love and long, squishy hugs to you. xoxo

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  5. Thinking of you and praying for you lots. I think you are right and that is a beautiful way of saying it... it sure does take time for the grass to start growing but it will, little by little! Sending love and a big hug to you!

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  6. I was at a ladies' meeting a couple of weeks ago and a pastor's wife gave a very touching testimony of losing a child. At the end she said that people will say to you that time heals but she said what her husband says is "time helps but heaven heals". That quote has really stuck with me and I thought I would share.

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    1. Oh, I love that! Thank you so much for sharing <3

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  7. I'm so sorry for your loss Sarah! Praying for you & your family.

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  8. "Fearfully and Wonderfully Made" is what the plaque says.In reality, every single part of this experience with Evie has been "fearful" and "wonderful" in the biblical sense. Fearful because it was all so powerful and intense that it causes trembling and butterflies in the stomach even now. What scary forces were involved! Eternal forces, demonic forces, and runaway psychological forces (the kind that can reduce a person to insanity or lift a person to uncommon faith and vision).

    And "wonderful" (astonishing) because the entire episode has awed us in every way--we were awed by Evie's presence, awed by certain answers to prayer, awed by our collision with immortality and eternity, and awed by what might be hanging in the balance for our own "calling" in life.

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  9. Sending LOVE your way. Keeping you and your family in my prayers! GOD Bless you!

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  10. What a beautiful plaque. Ariella's plaque Will also have fearfully and wonderfully made written on it :) Such a comfort to know our girls were lovingly made by our heavenly Father.

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