This post comes from Sarah Rogers of Messes and Moments. Since I lost Evie, Sarah has been faithful to follow my story and write such kind, encouraging words to me. I am so glad she agreed to participate in my series and I think you will really enjoy reading what she has to share.
“Please, let me know if there is anything you need.” I nod my head, smile, and mutter, “Oh, thank you, I will!” I’m always touched because those words leave my mouth as often as they fall on my ears. We mean it, we really do. I have so many women in my life that I love dearly and would do anything they asked. I would wake my baby up from a nap, bring a coffee, and sit with them while they cried if they would only ask. And I know that so many of those women would do the same for me, if I only asked.
It’s just that the question hardly ever will leave my lips. It’s not even pride (not this time, at least). The honest truth is that I just don’t think to ask. In the moment that I really need a friend to show up on my doorstep, triple grande, non-fat, no whipped mocha in hand, my instinct is only to power through. Because this is life, and thank God He’s given us the grace and the ability to motivate us through those times.
It’s truly just not my M.O. to break down.
But if you come at me the right way, you can make it happen. Like when that friend showed up in my first weeks of motherhood, when the sleepiness and hormones were taking me on quite the rollercoaster. Wielding M&Ms, Starbucks, and a sweet card, she sat with me as I fought my way through a tough nursing session, and my awkward, sleep-deprived words tumbled out: “I feel like I’m supposed to be enjoying this, but I’m just so tired, and it’s hard.” As she looked back at me and confirmed just how normal it all was and just how great of a mother I was already, I felt a weight lifted off of my back. She was helping me carry it. I didn’t even know I’d needed to share it. I couldn’t have asked her to come and listen and nod and hug me because truly, I had no idea I’d need it.
So here I sit, pregnant with my second child before my first (super active little monkey-man) has even turned one. And Sarah writes me and asks me what friends have done to show their love. I think back on this last year, and I know for sure that it’s the times that the women in my life have just “shown up.” The times when I’m told to drop my child off because I need time to myself. The times when I’m told that I’m going to have dinner made for me so that I can have a night off. The times when I know I’m failing and that friend shows up with my favorite treat and tells me I’m a great mom anyway. I would never know how to ask for these things, because I wouldn’t think to need them.
I figure I’m not alone in this, so I try to remember not to ask what that friend needs and just to do it for her. If she’s anything like me, she might not call and ask to be checked up on. It doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it. I’ve needed every ounce of love poured out on me since I started this journey of motherhood, whether I knew it or not.