Monday, January 14, 2013

after all

Yesterday my sister-in-law sang a beautiful acoustic version of the song "After All" by Meredith Andrews for our special music at church.  I started crying as soon as I heard the first line.  This song is one of several that have been so close to me during my journey up to losing Evie and in these healing months after.  

It was the Monday following Evie's memorial and funeral services and I remember feeling so confused.  I remember having absolutely no idea where to go from there.  How does one move on after such a great loss?  That was where I found myself.  

It was a Monday and I usually clean the bathroom on Mondays so I thought that would be a good place to start.  I had my praise and worship music blaring as loudly as our tiny bathroom would allow and not burst my eardrums.  This song started playing and I remember just sobbing and crying out to the Lord saying, "What now God?  What now?  What am I supposed to do now!?"  He felt far but the powerful lyrics of the song reminded me otherwise.  I let them wash over me and willed myself to trust in the Lord's sovereignty even though I had no idea of the direction He was taking me or how to live with this deep, deep pain.

I think the promise of the Lord's goodness and sovereignty can meet us all where we are, whether on the longest road we have ever walked or in the middle of the humdrum of an ordinary day.  May the truths of this song bless you where you are today.

You were reaching through the storm 
walking on the water 
even when I could not see 
in the middle of it all 
when I thought You were a thousand miles away 
not for a moment did You forsake me 
not for a moment did You forsake me 

After all You are constant 
after all You are only good 
after all You are sovereign 
not for a moment will You forsake me 
not for a moment will You forsake me 

You were singing in the dark 
whispering Your promise 
even when I could not hear 
I was held in Your arms 
carried for a thousand miles to show 
Not for a moment did You forsake me 

And every step every breath you are there 
every tear every cry every prayer 
in my hurt at my worst 
when my world falls down 
not for a moment will You forsake me 
even in the dark 
even when it's hard 
you will never leave me 
after all 


  1. Such a beautiful song -- Sunday morning had me in tears too. It's so comforting to know that God never leaves us or forsakes us... no matter how far away we may feel that he is. still praying... <3

  2. Psalm 147:3

    He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.