Tuesday, November 27, 2012

blue feet and a pink heart

Back in August I had my last appointment at the Midwifery Center before officially transferring my care over to EVMS.  It was really emotional for me to think that Evie would not be born there, but even more emotional to think that we would not be able to put her pink footprints on the wall next to Micah's blue ones (all babies born at the Center get their feet stamped on the wall).  

But at that appointment I was promised that the spot would still be reserved for Evie and I could come back and paint a heart for her whenever I was ready.  So one week after Evie was born I did just that.  

I was really nervous and prayed so hard for several things.  I prayed that Blair, the midwife who saw us the day Evie was diagnosed, would be available to talk.  I prayed that the receptionist would be kind and patient with me.  I prayed that I wouldn't be rushed or feel rushed and that it would be just as fulfilling of an experience as I'd hoped it would be.  

Wouldn't you know it was.

The Lord answered all my prayers.  Through a pretty random set of circumstances Blair was available.  She sat down and talked with me and cried with me.  She listened to my details of Evie's dramatic arrival and laughed with me about the craziness of it all.  She looked at the picture I had of Evie on my phone and commented on her sweet face and perfect lips.  She told me how amazing I looked for one week postpartum.  She hugged me and promised to come Evie's memorial (which she did) and encouraged me that I would be back there soon enough for baby #3.  And she made me feel like an absolute saint for pumping milk for a friend's baby.  She truly made me feel special and remembered. 

And the receptionist, Jenny, was such a sweetheart.  She told me to take as long as I needed, got me several different paintbrushes to use, and stood by me as I commemorated my sweet Evie.  She told me I was great at drawing hearts and gave me a big hug on my way out.  I even felt comfortable enough to share my blog with her, something else I had prayed for.

As I turned my back to leave I felt the tears well up.  I started to feel incredibly sad that a hand-drawn heart was in the place where a tiny pair of feet should have been.  But then something in me switched.  I realized how every prayer I had prayed that morning was answered.  The Lord took care of me in such a delicate way that morning.  And I felt hope that I would be back there someday, something that I wasn't always sure of.  

As I left the Midwifery Center I felt an unbelievable peace and walked out with a very contented smile on my face.  I felt so carried by an unbelievably gracious Father who treated one of His hurting children so gently that morning.  What a tender heart He has.

Micah's feet, Evie's heart (vines indicate siblings)

ps ... Mom Rieke, here is the comment you posted after my baby feet post:

I had been wondering about the spot on the wall for Evie. Those ladies at the Midwifery center are so sweet!! God bless them! I will be praying specifically that you will be allowed to have future babies at the Midwifery center at DePaul.

God surely (and dramatically) answered your prayer!  I love you.  


  1. So sweet and special! Thank you God for answering every prayer so perfectly.

    (and yes, you are a saint for pumping your milk to feed my girl... I could try a hundred different ways to tell you how much it means to me and it would never adequately express what a gift this is.)

    I love you friend. <3

  2. <3. Next time I am there, I will look up Evie's place on the wall, and give a little smile for her pink-painted heart, her life, and all the blessings God bestowed upon you, both big and small, because of her.

  3. Agh, choking back some tears here. It's amazing to have a God that so intricately cares for our needs and our desires. I'm so glad it went well for you!

  4. And her heart is not only printed on the wall. I'm imagining how, when that wall is long gone and forgotten, Evie's soul will still be engraved deeply in all our consciousness and affections, and she will always be, as she is right this minute, playing her very, very real and delightful role as part of the bride of Christ. The heart on the wall is like one of the MANY shadows of Evie in our world, the world C.S. Lewis called the "Shadowlands." And the shadows are cast by the real woman-girl who smiles and skips in wide-eyed wonder at the world where she lives. (And her mother's love is another one of those shadows from that other world, from God Himself.

  5. That is sweetly wonderfully special! <3