I am not obese
I am not under the age of 15
I do not have diabetes
I have no major health issues
I don't smoke, use alcohol, or abuse illegal drugs
In fact, when filling out my personal health questionnaire, the nurse chuckled because the only "yes" box she could check was that I had been infected with chicken pox as a kid!
I am a normal, healthy, middle class, married woman. I belong at the Midwifery Center where my friends have birthed their babies, where I birthed my own baby, and where the staff are interested in you rather than the circumstances that brought you there.
I do not belong here.
I don't want to belong here.
Oh. The addition of the second part of that thought left me feeling guilty. I knew those were wrong thoughts. I quickly prayed for the Lord to give me something new.
You do belong here, because I want you here.
Ah. Yes. A much needed reminder that I was put in the midst of this for a reason and by Someone who has a plan.
I was grateful for that reminder, for that humbling thought. If God wants me there, then who am I to object? I suppose my only responsibility is to be a light for Him, wherever this path leads me.
For it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure. Do all things without complaining or disputing that you may become blameless and harmless sons of God in the midst of a crooked and perverse nation, among whom you shine as lights in the world, holding fast the word of life, so that I might rejoice in the day of Christ that I might not have run or labored in vain.
If you would, please still pray for me in this area. I get a knot in my throat just parking my car at that office. Every time I am there it is just a reminder of pain and the loss that lies ahead. I have never dreaded doctor's visits so much in all my life. And now my visits are much more frequent.
Thank you for your prayers and for following my journey.