Monday, September 3, 2012

the question of why

Last week I was asked a tough question by a friend's* preschooler.

"Why is your baby going to die?"

I have to admit the question sort of threw me off for a minute.  Besides the obvious heart-stab from having to face that reality, I was also unsure if I should answer or let her mom answer.  In one sense I kind of felt like she asked me where babies came from and I didn't want to undo anything her parents had tried to teach her about death and dying.  

But I decided to go with the safe answer and gave a quick explanation of how Evie's lungs won't work very well and she won't be able to breathe for very long.  The little girl seemed satisfied with the answer.

But I could not shake that question for the rest of the day.  It just kept coming back.   Eventually I just lifted my voice to the Lord and said, "Yeah God, why is my baby going to die?"  

Almost immediately** the Lord put this thought in my mind:

So you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.  

I knew right then and there that I needed to look up the rest of that passage.  And here it is:

James 1:1-3 - My brethren count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience.  But let patience have its perfect work that you may be perfect and complete, lacking nothing.

So there it is.  As a Christian, God uses trials in my life to perfect me and to conform me to His image.  And He also knows what is best for me.  So I can only conclude that I must endure this current trial so that I can be further molded into the vessel God would have me to be.

I also couldn't help but notice the command to "count it all joy."  Counting all aspects of a trial as joy is most certainly not my gut instinct.  But I looked up the word joy and had an interesting thought.  

joy - the emotion evoked by well-being, success, or good fortune or by the prospect of possessing what one desires.

As a Christian I suppose my ultimate desire is to be more like Christ and represent Him well while I am on this earth no matter what comes my way.  And so I can find joy in my trial because it is giving me what my heart most desires (Psalm 27:4).  

I do want to say, once again, that accepting this suffering for Christ does not make it easy.  I was sharing these thoughts with a friend and she referenced 1 Peter 4:12.  She said that a trial is always a fire and fire always hurts and burns.  

But while suffering is not easy by any means, it is made bearable because I am doing it for my Lord who suffered more than I ever will on a cruel, cruel cross in order to offer me (and you) a fantastic life with Him in eternity.  

So, yes, my baby will more than likely die because of medical complications.  But thanks to the hope I have in the Redeemer I can face this trial because I will see her again.  Thank you Jesus.

*Friend, if you're reading this please know I was not upset by the question in any way.  It ended up being a very good lesson for me

**Thank you to my friend who specifically prays that God would make Himself very real to me in the most needed times.  That request is granted more than you will ever know and I appreciate it more than you will ever know.  <3

3 comments:

  1. Dear friend,
    So good to see you Sunday. I am praying that God will give you strength and health right now. I know all of the happenings and stress of daily living can weigh you down and cause you not to think about yourself. Take a little time to do something for yourself, to relax, to calm your spirit. Remember The Comforter is near, and will calm your spirit. Rest in Him and allow Him to minister to you.

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  2. I love you -- and I will never stop praying!

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  3. Sarah you are a true testimony to all that have ever questioned the lords motives. You and your family are always in our prayers. Your strength and devotion is truly moving!

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