Thursday, August 23, 2012

a heavy heart

That's how I have felt this week.  No reason in particular, it's just that sometimes the weight of the burden I am carrying is a bit much to bear.  

I just feel so different nowadays.  I have never had to fight so hard to feel "normal" and even that doesn't feel quite the same as before.  I read something from small bird studios that described the feeling as a sort of loss of innocence.  I couldn't agree more.  They say ignorance is bliss and I am no longer blissfully ignorant. 

I am not discounting the fact that My Savior is walking me through this trial, that He has not forsaken me, and that He most certainly has a plan in all of it; things would certainly be utterly unbearable if that was not so.  But the bottom line is this whole situation surrounding my Evie is painful and it has changed me.  

This has been my verse for the week:

So I will restore to you the years the swarming locust has eaten.  Joel 2:25

I am thankful to the Lord for that promise.  May you find rest in it as well.

5 comments:

  1. Sarah, thank you for sharing so honestly from your heart. It is a great blessing to me.
    Keeping you in my prayers,
    JoAnn

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  2. [Favorite quote when I'm feeling blue from Pilgrim's Progress, when the giant of despair locked Christian and Hopeful away in his dungeon]

    Now a little before it was day, good Christian, as one half amazed, brake out in passionate speech: What a fool, quoth he, am I, thus to lie in a stinking Dungeon, when I may as well walk at liberty. I have a Key in my bosom called Promise, that will, I am persuaded, open any Lock in Doubting Castle. Then said Hopeful, That's good news; good Brother pluck it out of thy bosom and try.

    Then Christian pulled it out of his bosom, and began to try at the Dungeon door, whose bolt (as he turned the Key) gave back, and the door flew open...

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  3. Praying and holding up your arms as you wait. With love and compassion for you all.

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  4. Just here to tell you we love you and we keep praying. Hugs.

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  5. Understand how you feel. The heaviness never truly goes away. We lost our first right at 19 weeks when we were first married. We got to hold him, name him, and say goodbye. And as the years have gone by,it gets easier with knowing he is in heaven. We know we'll have a sweet reunion someday. :) Praying for you and yours.

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