The first two days after learning the news of our Evie I spent a lot of time in front of the computer and on my phone, waiting for the next facebook notification, email, or text. So many people poured out their love for us and I clung to every word. I think it was a really important part of my initial grieving process. But yesterday morning I realized I couldn't stay glued to the computer forever.
There is a small part of me that wants to. A small part of me that wants the world to stop because I'm not exactly sure how to resume life as usual. But while pondering exactly what to do next I remembered a little nugget from one of my recent Ladies' Bible Studies.
I can't remember the context from which this sentiment came, but the idea is, when faced with the challenge of moving forward from a tragedy, one can only do the next right thing.
So that was my motivation yesterday. Despite my sadness, I still have a husband who needs to be supported through CRNA school, a son who needs to be loved, cared for, and guided through life, and a daughter who needs me to nourish her with my own body and provide for her a peaceful growing environment.
So what is the next right thing? For now, it's taking care of myself and trying to get rid of this monster cold I've had since Sunday. And after that? Grocery shopping. House cleaning. Diaper changing. Life as usual.
Ecclesiastes chapter three talks about there being a time for everything. I'm not going to pretend like I don't feel a small raincloud over my head most of the time, or that I don't see a large one looming in the distance, but for right now I need to focus on caring for my family as best I can. I am going to start putting one foot in front of the other and taking one day at a time. I'm going to move forward.
I'm going to do the next right thing.