Friday, July 20, 2012

family fridays

Well this week has been a whirlwind of emotions, to say the least.  But Josh and I can both tell that people are praying because God is giving us such peace about this whole situation.  Please don't think for a minute that we aren't saddened by the news of our little princess or that I don't spend most of the day with teary eyes, but God is giving us peace nonetheless.  We are resting in His providence.  


So Family Fridays ... here's what else has been happening:


Josh - still plugging along in his schoolwork.  Even with all the craziness in our house this week he managed to get a 98% on a test.  Showoff.  I am so grateful that he has been blessed with such great study skills.


The faculty from his CRNA program have been so kind this week to give him time to spend with me.  He was at all of my appointments on Monday and was excused from clinical on Wednesday.  It was more of a blessing than I had thought.  


How to pray: Pray that he will stay focused despite the obvious distractions we have been presented with.  And this might be a selfish one, but pray that he knows how to respond to me when I am feeling especially emotional.  He has been so great, but I know he won't always have the time to give me that he has this week.


Micah - I feel like I say this all the time, but I am so amazed every week at his progress in language.  He has an amazing vocabulary and rarely hesitates to tell you what's on his mind.  


A phrase I heard him squealing this week, "Cicah (Micah), cicah, cicah!  Me, me, me!"  Haha!  Can one get more egocentric?  I think not.  


Last Saturday Micah and I spent the morning running errands.  I had been craving Chick-fil-A and really wanted a date with my little man, but because of how close it was to nap time, I wasn't sure if we should eat in or just go through the drive-through.  I pondered for a while, and then decided to ask my incredibly verbal little guy.  


Me: Alright kiddo, do you want to bring Chick-fil-A home, or eat inside?
Micah: oh, Oh OH!  Yeah!!  YEAH!!  DIP DIP DIP!!!  


I absolutely cracked up!  He was almost shouting he was so excited to go eat in the restaurant and dip his chicken in some ketchup.  


And while we were there, he knew we were on a special date together.  He was standing next to me on the booth with his arm around me with sort of a contented smile on his face as if to say, "I love you mommy."  And then he leaned over and kissed me right on the lips!  No prompting or anything.  Such a special memory for me. 

Eating Lucky Charms.  He picks the marshmallows out and completely ignores the cereal.
How to pray: Pray that Micah will not suffer from this situation.  I still have a great responsibility to train up this child no matter what I am feeling that day.  


Evie: If you aren't aware of the news of our little girl, you can catch up here.  


Here is a photo of my little sweetie:


She has a perfect little profile.  


I think my girl is a curious one.  Anytime Micah sits on my lap for a story or a show she kicks right underneath him like she wonders what's going on.  And on Monday at my EVMS ultrasound she kicked the ultrasound wand thingy (that's the right term, right?) so hard that the doctor looked up at me!  


And for right now, she is a night owl, just like her daddy.  If I'm ever awake around 3 or 4 am, I can feel her moving like crazy!  And then I just give her a rub and let her know mommy loves her.  


How to pray:  I think we're allowed to pray for a miracle.  In this case, she would have to grow a bladder and all the connections to the kidneys.  And then her lungs would need to mature enough to allow her to breathe on her own.  But in the absence of this miracle, just pray that she will grow as big and strong as her environment will let her so we can spend some time with her before she goes to Heaven.  


Me and Evie ... 20 weeks

Me: I cry all the time.  Seriously.  My mother-in-law told me that after her Father died, she just cried and cried for weeks and didn't even try to stop it.  That's kind of where I am.  It's not that I don't have moments of normal or even happy or that I don't laugh or smile, but I just have this heavy, heavy heart.  


And I have thoughts.  Thoughts I don't want to have and so I must push them away with all my might.  Thoughts that make me want to throw myself down and kick and scream and throw a tantrum to rival any two-year old in the prime of their terrible-two's.  


But despite the tears and emotions I really truly am resting in the Father.  I remind myself that even Jesus wept and Job asked why and David wanted deliverance from his turbulent situations.  Wanting things to be different isn't wrong, I must just not let it shake my faith.  


A dear friend I had in high school reminded me of Romans 8:37 - In all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us.  


I refuse to let one piece of bad news erase all the good things the Lord has done for me; is still doing for me in the midst of this trial.  The enemy will not win.  


How to pray:  Don't stop!  Please!  I know I am dealing with this news well(ish) because of the abundance of prayers from friends and family.  Pray that I will be strong enough to move on for the good of my family.  And this week, pray that I get rid of my cold, which is complicating things in an annoying way.  


I don't want to end things on a low note so ... here's a random picture I snapped last Saturday.  


40,000 miles on the dot for our Yaris!  Go Yaris, go!


Thanks for checking in on us.  Have a Happy Friday!  

9 comments:

  1. "Strength is the new beauty..." You are a strong woman.
    Love and prayers.

    ReplyDelete
  2. God allows us to go through trials so that if we will trust in Him, He will get the glory. In my own life I have seen that as long as I am resting in Him that he will use me to bless and help others that are going through similar things. I will being praying first of all that God will give you the miracle that we know He can do, but more importantly that through His grace and strength He will show His power through your lives. Keep your eyes on Jesus and rest in His promises. May God continue to bless you and Josh.

    ReplyDelete
  3. Sarah -- thank you for sharing with such honesty and transparency. We are praying and believing with you for that miracle. God is surely able! Daily lifting you and your family to the Father. He is able to give strength and peace through tears and emotions in such an amazing way. Trusting and believing that He will continue to do that in all of your lives. Evie is surely a blessed little girl.

    ReplyDelete
  4. "What if your blessings come through rain drops? What if your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know you're near. What if trials of this life are your mercies in disguise?"

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sarah,

    I too have gotten the terrible news that our second son would die shortly after birth (our first son was stillborn, unknown cause) and joined a group on babycenter that helped tremendously to be able to connect with those who truly understand. Here is the link and I encourage you to check it out. I have made life-long friends from that group.

    http://community.babycenter.com/groups/a6711405/carrying_pregnancy_despite_poor_or_fatal_prenatal_diagnosis

    I am so very sorry you're going through this and I hope your sweet little girl can give you time together after she's born.

    There are a few books I highly recommend as well.

    - Waiting with Gabriel by Amy Kuebelbeck

    - A Gift of Time: Continuing Your Pregnancy When Your Baby's Life Is Expected to Be Brief by Amy Kuebelbeck and Deborah L. Davis, Phd.

    - I Will Carry You: The Sacred Dance of Grief and Joy by Angie Smith (religious based) If you haven't heard their song yet "I Will Carry You" by Selah, you need to listen to it!

    My heart is aching with yours and I wish you a joyous time while your daughter is here to make wonderful memories that have to last a lifetime. My pregnancy with my son (after the initial 5 weeks or so of constant tears) ended up being some of the best times and memories of our lives, along with the 4 amazing days we had him here on earth in our arms. ((hugs)) I have a blog if you'd like to follow, but I'm still trying to get back into writing mode while in my grief and don't post very much. (I was a writer and just started a blog this year.)

    Love,

    Heather

    www.heatheringthestorm.blogspot.com

    ReplyDelete
  6. I am friends with Lauren, and I just wanted to stop by and say that I am praying for you and your family. I am terribly sorry for this situation and I praise God for giving you strength and encouragement right now. Words escape me but faith stands firm, God is a mighty God, may you feel him always.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I love the picture of Evie - she is so beautiful already!! You look great too of course! ;) Love you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Sarah, you don't know me but I just finished reading all about your week. My heart aches for you, and I wish his didn't happen. I bet Evie is already so gorgeous and I will be praying for miracles so she can prove me right. I also wanted to thank you for your honesty and your faith. My husband and I are adopting and were matched with a baby boy due in October....that was Friday and today...things have changed. He might not be ours after all, but for now...we just wait with patience and heavy hearts. If you can be strong, I can do, because God be glorified, right? I will pray that Jesus continue to give you strength and peace, pray for our husband and for that lucite little guy of yours. And for Evie, of course, miracles. You are blessed to have her...even for a moment...enjoy her, tell her I'm rooting for her, and, truly, I am sorry and I am praying for you and your family. You sister in Christ, Ashley

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am also sorry for my horrible grammar :).

      Delete