Tuesday, July 17, 2012

evie caris

I am a planner.  And I had dreamt of becoming a mother since I was a young girl.  It seemed pretty natural for me (although maybe not normal!) to make a list of my favorite baby names to use when the time came.  Over the years they have sort of evolved and some have been eliminated, but three have remained strong: Micah David, my second boy name (to be announced if another Rieke boy is in our future), and my favorite girl name of all time: Evie Caris.  


When Josh and I initially found out the diagnosis of our sweet little girl, I wasn't sure what to think.  My initial gut instinct was to try and distance myself from the situation and from her, hoping it wouldn't hurt so much.  I wondered what we would name her.  I mean, would I use my favorite girl name on a baby who would more than likely not survive?  


Somewhere along my sorting out process the Lord reminded me of this song from Sanctus Real:

The lead singer, Matt Hammitt, was expecting a baby boy who had been diagnosed with a pretty severe heart defect and his chances of survival were slim.  Matt said he struggled with those same feelings I was just describing: the thought process that maybe if I don't let myself get too close, it won't hurt so much when the baby leaves.  But the Lord brought him to a different conclusion.  Here are the lyrics to the chorus of this beautifully tender song: You're gonna have all of me 
You're gonna have all of me
'Cause you're worth every falling tear
You're worth facing any fear
You're gonna know all my love
Even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts
But giving you all of me is where I'll start
I realized that God didn't give me my baby girl so I could incubate her for nine months and then say goodbye as if she were just a transient tenant.  No.  God wants me to love this little girl with all of me.  He wants me to rub my belly.  He wants me to treasure every kick and wiggle.  And when she is born, He wants me to kiss her and snuggle her and say goodbye; a goodbye that will undoubtedly shatter my heart into a million pieces and more than likely never come together the same again.  And He wants me to give her a name.  A beautiful name that I have cherished for years. 
Evie Caris.  
What is so special about this name is that I chose it the first year we were married.  The middle name came a few years later and I think the combination of the two is just lovely.  But what sort of blows my mind is that over the years while I was perfecting my girl's name, God knew exactly to whom this name would be given.  He knew it would be given to a precious gift who would spend very little time on this earth.  He also knew I would need a tremendous amount of His peace and grace to help me through this heart-wrenching time.  And that is why the meaning of her name is so special to me.
Evie: Life
Caris: Grace
So please pray for our little girl by name; Evie Caris.  Life.  And Grace.   
Oh my Evie, how I love thee!  And you will have all of me; I think you always have.

14 comments:

  1. oh Sarah. I am crying as I read this. That song is so beautiful and Evie Caris is equally so. Your little Evie already has an entire group of people who love her and are praying for her - she is already touching people's hearts.

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  2. We love you Evie! You have a remarkable Mommy!

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  3. I love you and I love little Evie.

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  4. Dear Sarah: I can hear the words from Jeremiah 1:5 from our heavenly Father's lips saying: "Evie Caris, before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart..."
    You are joining Him when you take delight in your little one...we are glad to pray for Evie Caris and for all her family.
    Much love,
    JoAnn D

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  5. God wrote her book long before you conceived... What better hands than His to be in! Praying for you all

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  6. I will be praying for you and Josh and that God will give you the strength and grace to move in the direction He has given you. Most importantly no matter what life brings you will make you stronger in His love and grace. God bless, Dave

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  7. Additionally, charis (in Greek) is related to chara, which means "joy," and eucharisteo, which means "I give thanks," and chairete, which actually means "rejoice!" but it became a popular greeting in Bible days, like saying, "Hello!"

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    1. Oh, and I forgot charisma. It means "gift."

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  8. Oh Sarah, Im crying as i read this! What a wonderful name! What a beautiful blog! I have faith in the Lord and i believe in miracles! I cant help but think of John 10:10, especially the latter part: ".... I have come to give you life, and that you may live it more abundantly" I'm praying for you and your family . Blessings!

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  9. we'll continue to pray for you all each night before bed...(usually the start to each of your days). God has a plan for each of our lives, and He has a big plan for Evie's as well. We've come to the other side of the world to try and encourage others and help bring people to the Lord. Evie has yet to "enter the world" and God is already using her to build bridges between you all and others whom you may have never met were it not for Evie. He also, I'm convinced, has and will continue to use her life to bring people to the feet of Jesus. What a special life...what a gracious Lord. love, mel & josh

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  10. BEAUTIFUL!!! This is just beautiful Sarah. May Evie Caris know YOUR love for her.

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  11. *tears* what a beautiful meaning her name has. The Lord is so good to us. praying for you.

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  12. I too had picked a girl's name long before my sweet daughter was born. Ariella = God's lioness, Jade = my middle name. When we found out she had died, I wondered whether to use my favourite name on a child we wouldn't get to keep. But like you, I knew God wanted me to give her that name.
    Evie Caris is such a beautiful name.

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    1. Thank you. Special names for special girls <3

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